My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
