Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
