Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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