So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
