Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
