I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
