Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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