I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm too high and old for this...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
