I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
