I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
so much tequila, so little girl.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
