It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
