yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
