in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
