Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
