There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
