If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
