He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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