i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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