Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
