I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
