I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
