Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
