Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
