maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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