I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
