She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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