You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
