So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish I only lived at night.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
