My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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