we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
