Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
