Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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