At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
