then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
