It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
