lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There's always time for handjobs
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
