Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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