it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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