thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
