So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
