i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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