And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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