youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
