i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
