I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sobbing to NWA
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
