Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
