I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just found puke in my bra..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
