i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
