I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
