Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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