I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
