I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
