and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
