I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
